Read on to find out how to change your “ships in the night” partnership to a “Whoa, kiss me right NOW” marriage. Marriage Retreats will re-connect you both to a sexy, love-filled partnership that you’re excited to come home to!
Also, this post contains affiliate links. Don’t worry, it doesn’t cost you a dime more to buy this way AND you support my business. Win-Win!
How’s your marriage?
Are you feeling strongly connected to the person you chose to be YOUR forever person?
Does your “making it through the day” end with a collapse onto the pillow with nary a thought about intimacy with your spouse?
Kids, careers, school, friends, family drama, financial stressors – can all exacerbate a separateness.
Creeping separateness. It happens. Like fog and dirty laundry and bug bites.
I really do believe it’s a part of this “American Dream” we’re all chasing. I ALSO believe that there are ways to fight this separateness. Ways we can be aware and alive, connected deeply to our spouse spiritually and physically, working towards YOUR (the collective your) dreams.
I know. I pretty much believe it’s the answer to everything.
Last May my husband and I created a Marriage Retreat. We wanted a space where we could be together. Just the two of us, to talk about our hopes and dreams. To reconnect and remember our path together.
We had both been feeling disconnected. That’s what we call it. “I feel disconnected from you.” We had been short with each other and short with our children. It was not, and is not how we desire to be present in the world.
The creeping separateness had set in. We weren’t sure how it got there, when it began, but we did know it needed to be addressed!
This “separateness” is not my term. It’s from a book called “A Severe Mercy,” by Sheldon Vanauken. Sam and I read it aloud to each other when we were still newlyweds and had all the time in the world to dream. Remember those times?! Yeah, it feels like another life to me, too.
Author Sheldon Vanauken defines “creeping separateness” this way:
“The killer of love is creeping separateness… It’s taking love for granted, especially after marriage. It’s ceasing to do things together, finding separate interests. Plus, it’s ‘we’ turning into ‘I’. The failure of love might seem to be caused by hate or boredom or unfaithfulness, but those were results. First came the creeping separateness: the failure behind the failure.”
Time goes by and you both begin to find other interests. This is a healthy thing.
The disconnect comes from failing to communicate.
Our life gets so full with kids, careers, cooking, cleaning, packing lunches, cooking. Did I mention cooking? It becomes commonplace to barely look at each other each day. This is how creeping separateness begins.
Imagine 9 years has gone by, you’ve added some kids (Whom, let’s be honest, promote the separateness.), add two careers and multiple friends to the mix. It may begin to feel like there’s more separateness than togetherness.
At this point, it takes intentionality and work on you and your spouse’s part to come back together. To remember why you’re doing this whole life thing. And to define where you want to go.
Sound good? Great. Here’s ONE way (I don’t want to pretend this is the only or best way – this is something that has worked for us) to get back to a connected, thriving, fun and sexy marriage.
(Yeah, totally. The sexy comes back when you’re super connected to each other. You’re welcome.)
- Schedule a time, (evening or early mornings work best for us), where the two of you can be together and ALONE. Screaming toddlers are not allowed. Not even in the background.
- Look your sweet one in the eyes and tell them you love them. Start there. “I Love You.”
- Then talk about your dreams of re-connection. You want to know who they are, what they want out of life and how you can get there together. You also want them to know who YOU are, & what you want out of life. Get together on this and get them excited about this time.
Remember when you were dating. Anticipation was and is a large part of the fun. The anticipation of a date with your love. Oh man. I’m excited just thinking about it for you!
- Now, SCHEDULE IT. Figure out a day or two (if you’re lucky) that you can be together without children to reconnect. (I realize we’re lucky because we have parents in town who take the kids for us and totally support our retreats.) You may have to be creative here. Take the day off of work and meet up while the kids are in school. Enlist grandparents, friends or aunts/uncles to assist with childcare. If you can afford it, hire someone to stay overnight with the kids. We just need to get those tiny people Out. Of. The. Picture.
- Now comes the fun part. PLAN YOUR RETREAT!
Use the form below to get your FREE Marriage Retreat Workbook. Print it out and take it with you on your Retreat Day. It’s a guide to get you thinking about those big topics and flushing out who you want to be, what your dreams are, and how you can get there together!
Use it verbatim.
Use the alone time to work through our Values Workbook together.
Start a budget!
Do what you need to connect with each other, right now!
Whatever you do, use some time to be intentional about your life goals together.
The result will feel like true connectedness and deep gratitude for your life together. It will change your day to day monotony and help you remember what you’re doing, where you’re headed and why you chose each other. If I’ve said it once…I’ve said it a million times (and will say it a million more)… this work of living a life of choice and intent is not for the faint of heart. It provides so, so much, but it asks us to accept that we are not in this thing alone. Start at home and gather the tribe.
I’m SO excited for you. Please leave me a message letting me know if you have any questions, and definitely how your Retreat has changed your partnership!
Much love friend,
P.S. Don’t forget to print out the Marriage Retreat Worksheet Here. It’s free! Print out 2 of them to take with you. Have fun. I’m totally rooting for you!