These are a compilation of birthday letter (s) that I’ve started writing for my children. They’re intended to be a love letter from a mama to her baby. I hope to capture who they are as humans at that very moment, let them know what our life is like at this stage, as well as let them know how deep my love is for them as individuals created for a special purpose.
I’d love for you to join along – link up your letters if you feel so inclined.
You turned 5 this past weekend. 5?! How did that happen?! I still remember that sweet, squishy baby who refused to walk; that baby everyone would point to and say “She needs to be in commercials!” You still turn heads – partly because of your beautiful curly hair, but mostly because you are who you truly are. Your personality is magnetic and charming and people enjoy being with and around you. Your baby self was observant and slow; now you are fierce and opinionated. The really beautiful thing is how you’ve meshed those two parts of yourself so seamlessly. You still take the time to observe but also LOVE being a part of things.
What a wild ride these past six months have been. I have always been energized by change and, honestly, look towards the future for my happiness. While this is helpful in setting and achieving goals, it can make living within my current situation almost unbearable. I fail to find the beauty in the every day when I’m focused on the future. I’ve failed to find beauty in my times with you – and instead – look towards how I can fulfill myself in other ways. I’m sorry for that.
The changes these past few months have included Papa switching from physical therapy to working with Gammi full-time, me switching from part-time to full-time physical therapy, me resigning from full-time work to go to on-call work and beginning my dream of an online business. You have gone from going to Waldorf Preschool to a different child care center and, have since returned to your Waldorf Preschool. Throughout all of this, you have been so strong and resilient. I worried the stress of not having me around or switching schools would prove too much for you and lead to difficult behaviors or lots of tears. While you had one hard day at your new school, mostly you wake up smiling and ready to seize whatever the day offers you. You are fully present and engaged in your current place. I hope you’ll continue to be patient with me and continue to show me the benefits and beauty of maintaining presence. I’m so thankful you’re my teacher.
Your life is so full of possibilities. I am always looking forward towards what life will be like and you continue to pull me towards the present. I’m fighting against the urge to be future focused as I move farther into my 40th year. Thank you for being such a grounding presence. I want to be present with you and for you. Looking forward I see you starting Kindergarten in the fall. I know I joke with you: “Stop growing up!” but I love who you are right now! I know I’ll love you at every stage – and I’ll likely want you to stop and truly be who you are right then, always. I’m excited for everything you’ll see and join. I’m excited for you to grow. But, I’m also excited for your presence. You are thoughtful in ways that surprise me. You are engaged. Even with changes constantly swirling about and very little rhythm, you thrive and continue to love me fiercely.
And, oh, how I love you sweet girl. Happy, Happy Birthday.
P.S. During your birthday party at Gammi and Papaw’s lake, you decided you were ready to paddle a boat by yourself. I was hesitant, but you were right. I hope you always trust in yourself and your abilities so readily. You are a beautiful testimony to the strength of really, truly believing in who you are.